How time flies....

Dear girls,

Let me take you back to the 12th March 2010. I was 8 months pregnant with a lovely (wriggly!) bump and I was feeling pretty emotional about leaving school to start my maternity leave. I was randomly crying (and blaming hormones!) about things like the thought of giving birth again, how to cope with two children and whether I was ruining E's life by making her share everything with a younger sibling.

It feels like only last week. How have 10 months gone so fast?

As it turns out, birth was a pretty good experience, having two kids is amazing, and E, you just adore your little sister, who in turn looks up to you and melts my heart!

Tomorrow is the start of a new chapter. Four days a week of childcare for you and work for me! I feel very strange about it. As I blogged before, I'm sure you'll be ok. P hasn't been enjoying nursery that much, but I know how much you love Grandma so I'm sure you'll be ok. I'm not that keen on my job but I know I can do what I've been asked to do, so I'll be fine. Tonight I'm feeling slightly more worried as I had convinced myself P would be ok as E was at nursery too so could go and cuddle her if needed. Today E is ill - ears as usual! - and I don't think she'll be at nursery tomorrow. I'm sure P will be ok, but it's one more thing to worry about!!

Anyway, I best go pack the bags for tomorrow.....need to be more organised!!!

Love you, even when I'm not with you,

Mummy xxx

Time for changes

Dear girls,

Today I have been into work. You two had a lovely day with Grandma and you were both very very good. I'm so glad you're happy with her, she loves you so much! And Grandpa is retiring soon, so he gets to spend time with you too. You're going to have such a fabulous time! Two days with them, and two at nursery. E already loves nursery and has been going since she was 11 months. P, I hope you love it too.

Work was interesting. I mean, I kind of enjoyed it. But I missed you so much.

I know I'd be a rubbish stay at home mum with you both. I don't have the patience needed, or the ideas to keep you entertained. I do admire people who do it. Also, in reality, we need the money. So work it is. Doesn't mean I'm ready to send you to childcare. P seems so little to let someone else look after her. And I have mum guilt. For lots of reasons.

But I know it will work out. We are lucky to have grandparents to have you both for two days a week, and lucky to have a nursery we like and that E at least seems to enjoy. Lucky to have weekends as family time, and I'm lucky to have one day a week as a girls' day to do something nice! I hope I can keep it as a special day and appreciate it for what it is. I promise to try not to be grumpy, short tempered or busy doing jobs on that day....we'll see!

I know how excited you are E to have P going along to Grandma's and nursery with you. You keep telling me how you're going to go upstairs to the Baby Room at nursery to check she is ok, give her a cuddle and a kiss and then go back downstairs. I know how much you love your wee sister and how much you look after her at home and at Grandma's, so I know you'll look after her at nursery too. Thank you.

So I have two weeks left before I go back to work. I hope I can fill them with love, smiles and cuddles. I hope I can hold every moment in my heart to remember it when I'm back in school looking after other people's children.

Love you little girls,

Your soppy (slightly sad, guilty-feeling) Mummy x