Apologies, similarities, guilt and bedtime stories!

Dear E,

Tonight you went to bed without a bedtime story. I think it's only the second time ever. You had hit Daddy and then refused to apologise. My short temper kicked in and I took away the only thing left in the day....the stories. You're a clever girl, you knew what you had done wrong, you knew what you had lost and why you had lost it, and you even had the good grace not to strop about it.

I feel so guilty though. I had to assuage that by offering to read you the books in the morning. You went to sleep without a sound....tomorrow, we'll be reading those stories!

The trouble is, little bear, you and I are too similar! I find myself arguing with you and have to remind myself that you are only three!! We are both quick to anger, and too fast to react to things. Oh and both convinced we are right.....all...the...time! (I am right, of course....I'm your Mum!)

I am certainly not looking forward to your teenage years. I think maybe I'll have to move out while you're a teenager!

Talking of my guilt at taking away your bedtime story tonight, this Mummy malarky is quite tricky. It comes with built in guilt. Permanent guilt. Guilt about anything and everything and it's very very strange. The guilt thing was something I thought I wouldn't suffer from. I'm quite a confident person really, and happy in my decisions. I certainly feel like, alongside Daddy, we have made the right decisions for you two.

But then people make comments. Usually not aimed at me, but still make me think. Make me wonder whether I do do the right things, feed you the right things, let you do the right things, etc, etc. It's very easy to let the paranoia pop in.

I also try very hard to praise you two all the time. But then there is a balance. I try to align myself with things I have read about general praise being harmful, and thus praise you for specific things. I also try to remember to praise you for who you are as well as what you do. Then I just try to throw compliments at you, and hope they are the things that penetrate into your subconscious.

The balance is difficult. I just hope you and P grow up knowing that we always tried to do the best for you.

Looking forward to reading those stories with you in the morning,

Love you always,

Mummy x

Celebrations!

Dear P,

Happy Birthday Gorgeous Little One!

Today is your first birthday. I cannot work out where the last year has gone. A year. 52 weeks. 365 days. Wow. It truly blows my mind.

You're still as gorgeous as ever, and very very smiley. Everyone comments on your smile....maybe because it's permanent! Lots of old ladies like to chat to you, and tell us how gorgeous you are.

This morning started with E coming in to wish you a happy birthday. She sang to you as soon as she saw you, for which you beamed! Then she gave you her present - a wee Miffy. You cuddled it straight away which thrilled E. She adores you, and you adore her. Sisterly love, completely! I thought things might change, but we've had a year of adoration with never a cross word....long may it continue!

Today we had a family day - the bonus of a Mummy who doesn't work Wednesdays, and a Daddy who can get days off occasionally! We were hoping to go to Blackpool Zoo as you seem to love animals, but it was very cold and slightly rainy, so we decided against it. Instead, a trip to the Sea Zoo was much enjoyed. You especially liked the tunnels where the fish and sharks swam above us...your little face was a picture.

Lunch in Debenhams, a touch of shopping and a play on the slot machines (well, not for you...you just watched and ultimately fell asleep!) completed our time in Blackpool. Very similar to your big sister's last birthday!! But we all enjoyed it, and we finished it off with a trip to a Carvery pub where you munched your way happily through yorkshire pudding and plenty of meat!!

Party is Saturday with the family with a rabbit-shaped cake (in theory!) made by Mummy and E! Hope you like it, wee one!

So a year on, it feels like you've always been here. The four day labour was worth every minute. Your sister adores you and wouldn't be without you (and never mentioned that she was convinced you were a boy, and would be called Five!). I can't wait to see what the next year holds. Hopefully walking on your own, talking, and much much more!

Love you always, my little one year old,

Mummy xxx