Happy Birthday Esther Bear!

Four.

That's a big number.  Well, it certainly feels like a big number to me! Four years ago you were born, a tiny screaming little Bear. I'd say I remember it well. but I was under general anaesthetic when you appeared in the world.

Four years on, and it seems like only yesterday! This weekend was your birthday. You asked for a party just like last year, so we hired the church centre and a bouncy castle, and invited all the people on your list! I always do as you tell me.

The requested present was a bike.....preferably with space for Milly to ride too. Happily a gorgeous bike was wrapped nicely for you for Sunday morning, and Milly enjoyed her ride along the pavement as you learned slowly to push the pedals forwards every time! Other favourites included a microphone, which has been sung into an awful lot, and a pram....a big girls' pram(!)....for Milly. She has been a very lucky doll!

So now you're four. Time to be more grown up than ever. Now you're planning Christmas, and also talking a lot about school next year. We were chatting the other day about school, and you asked whether we would still have a girls' day....it broke my heart a little to tell you that you would have to go to school every weekday, so you wouldn't be having a girls' day. I didn't dare to tell you that P would still have a Mummy day! Maybe we'll cross that bridge another day eh?!

Well, four is the new three. I'm hoping that this year for you will bring a new house, a garden to play in, a new school, new friends and who knows what else?! As long as it's the four of us together, it'll be fabulous!

Loving you always,
Mummy x

Letters and Sounds

Dear E,

I have posted before (multiple times!) about your love of books. You have always loved stories and we always read at bedtime. One long time favourite are the Apple Tree Farm stories. I don't think you've realised there is a duck hiding in every picture waiting for you to find it, but the stories are often read. You have to "read" the first page - This is Apple Tree Farm. This is Mrs Boot the farmer. She has two children called Poppy and Sam and a dog called Rusty.

You say it with such pride. I can imagine you in your first school assembly, or nativity play, reciting the lines you have practised again and again. It's lovely to see your face as you think you can read it.

I would love to teach you to read. I'd love to unlock that love for words....and books. The thrill of being able to decode the squiggles on the page is immense. I've been putting it off as I don't want you to be labelled at school as a teacher's daughter, and for your teachers to think I'm a pushy mum. I'm not.....yet! Although your obsession with sounds and letters is growing. Tonight driving home you were talking about 'needing' a trumpet (which made me laugh anyway!), but then you sounded it out; "t...r...u...p...i....t". I was so impressed. Maybe we'll start a bit of letter/sound recognition soon eh?!

You're also still hilarious. You adore Sarah, a nursery nurse at Little Acorns. She is apparently your best ever friend, equal only to Phoebe in your love! She teaches you all kinds of little phrases - the latest was "I'm worth it"....a lot like the L'Oreal advert. Sounds very cute coming from your little mouth!

The love for Phoebe knows no bounds though. You would do anything for her, give anything to her and share everything with her. Walking out of nursery tonight, you were talking about a cake you had made and decorated today, while carrying it out to the car. You told Phoebe (completely unprompted) that you would share it with her when we got home....and you did. So so kind.

You're a star, and I love you,

Mummy xxx

It's been a while...

Dear girls,

Sorry I haven't written for a while. I'm not sure why, you have done plenty of fabulous things, but I haven't had the words to write. Today I'm trying to repair that.

You've both grown up a lot since I last wrote. E you have grown physically. You used to be quite small for your age, but now (at nearly 4.....where did the time go?!!) you've suddenly shot up in height. You're blonde and leggy! Definitely beautiful, and very cheeky! You still think you're in charge and your favourite word is still 'Why?' but your grin and sparkly blue eyes make me smile constantly.

You have a new favourite film - the Wizard of Oz. I had to buy you a Dorothy costume, shortly followed by Dorothy shoes(!) and we have watched the film so many times! And you have learned lots of new nursery rhymes - mainly read to you by Grandpa and now being read back to him. Talking of reading, you're obsessed by initial sounds. We spend a lot of our car journeys with you working out what sounds different words start with. You love to 'read' books you know well. Especially the first page of the Apple Tree Farm books!!! We love Mrs Boot, Poppy and Sam.

P, you have made massive progress recently...finally learning to walk unaided! You have been pootling around holding our hands for months, but last Sunday you finally let go of the furniture decisively and walked across the room. We all clapped, and you proceeded to do it again and again! On Wednesday, I bought you your first shoes! I'm glad that you love them, and you regularly ask me in your own special way to put them on for you.

You're a bookworm like your sister. You spend half your days bringing me the little books for me to read to you. You are very good at tidying up though. If I offer you a box or bag, you'll put everything away it in very carefully!

Girls, you are both so fabulous. You make me smile every day. I love you.

Mummy x

Taking care

Dear E,

You are very very caring, especially to your little sister, and it's lovely to see. You two love cuddles, and P gets very excited when you hug her.

Today you were most concerned about your favourite nursery nurse. You go to nursery 2 days each week, but next week is my half term, and we're off camping. So you'll miss two days and you were evidently concerned about how Sarah would cope without you. You had apparently asked Irham (another nursery nurse) whether she was in next week. When she confirmed she was, you asked her if she could please look after Sarah as you weren't going to be there!!! I love it! (Not sure how you think she copes on the days you're not in, but hey!)

You have also picked up another very cute habit. My parents (your Grandma and Grandpa) always say 'Take care' when we part, and you have picked this up. Thus every time I leave you with them and drive off to work, I am followed by your shouts of 'TAKE CARE!' at top volume!

Hope you're taking care, little bear,

Mummy x

Apologies, similarities, guilt and bedtime stories!

Dear E,

Tonight you went to bed without a bedtime story. I think it's only the second time ever. You had hit Daddy and then refused to apologise. My short temper kicked in and I took away the only thing left in the day....the stories. You're a clever girl, you knew what you had done wrong, you knew what you had lost and why you had lost it, and you even had the good grace not to strop about it.

I feel so guilty though. I had to assuage that by offering to read you the books in the morning. You went to sleep without a sound....tomorrow, we'll be reading those stories!

The trouble is, little bear, you and I are too similar! I find myself arguing with you and have to remind myself that you are only three!! We are both quick to anger, and too fast to react to things. Oh and both convinced we are right.....all...the...time! (I am right, of course....I'm your Mum!)

I am certainly not looking forward to your teenage years. I think maybe I'll have to move out while you're a teenager!

Talking of my guilt at taking away your bedtime story tonight, this Mummy malarky is quite tricky. It comes with built in guilt. Permanent guilt. Guilt about anything and everything and it's very very strange. The guilt thing was something I thought I wouldn't suffer from. I'm quite a confident person really, and happy in my decisions. I certainly feel like, alongside Daddy, we have made the right decisions for you two.

But then people make comments. Usually not aimed at me, but still make me think. Make me wonder whether I do do the right things, feed you the right things, let you do the right things, etc, etc. It's very easy to let the paranoia pop in.

I also try very hard to praise you two all the time. But then there is a balance. I try to align myself with things I have read about general praise being harmful, and thus praise you for specific things. I also try to remember to praise you for who you are as well as what you do. Then I just try to throw compliments at you, and hope they are the things that penetrate into your subconscious.

The balance is difficult. I just hope you and P grow up knowing that we always tried to do the best for you.

Looking forward to reading those stories with you in the morning,

Love you always,

Mummy x

Celebrations!

Dear P,

Happy Birthday Gorgeous Little One!

Today is your first birthday. I cannot work out where the last year has gone. A year. 52 weeks. 365 days. Wow. It truly blows my mind.

You're still as gorgeous as ever, and very very smiley. Everyone comments on your smile....maybe because it's permanent! Lots of old ladies like to chat to you, and tell us how gorgeous you are.

This morning started with E coming in to wish you a happy birthday. She sang to you as soon as she saw you, for which you beamed! Then she gave you her present - a wee Miffy. You cuddled it straight away which thrilled E. She adores you, and you adore her. Sisterly love, completely! I thought things might change, but we've had a year of adoration with never a cross word....long may it continue!

Today we had a family day - the bonus of a Mummy who doesn't work Wednesdays, and a Daddy who can get days off occasionally! We were hoping to go to Blackpool Zoo as you seem to love animals, but it was very cold and slightly rainy, so we decided against it. Instead, a trip to the Sea Zoo was much enjoyed. You especially liked the tunnels where the fish and sharks swam above us...your little face was a picture.

Lunch in Debenhams, a touch of shopping and a play on the slot machines (well, not for you...you just watched and ultimately fell asleep!) completed our time in Blackpool. Very similar to your big sister's last birthday!! But we all enjoyed it, and we finished it off with a trip to a Carvery pub where you munched your way happily through yorkshire pudding and plenty of meat!!

Party is Saturday with the family with a rabbit-shaped cake (in theory!) made by Mummy and E! Hope you like it, wee one!

So a year on, it feels like you've always been here. The four day labour was worth every minute. Your sister adores you and wouldn't be without you (and never mentioned that she was convinced you were a boy, and would be called Five!). I can't wait to see what the next year holds. Hopefully walking on your own, talking, and much much more!

Love you always, my little one year old,

Mummy xxx

Resilience and smiles

Dear P,

On Saturday you stuck your tongue out at me. Some may say it was cheeky, but it really made me smile! It was the first time you had ever done it. As I've blogged previously, you were born with a tongue tie and we decided to get it snipped.

You were 11 months old so it was a procedure done under general anaesthetic. You weren't allowed any milk after 5am, so typically you slept through, and I had to wake you at 4.30am to give you some milk. You looked at me like I was mad! But then I couldn't get you back to sleep so we were up early! We were in Preston Hospital at 7.30am, and you smiled at people for a while. By 9am you were hungry and not impressed that we were withholding breakfast.

You went down to surgery just after 10am. I carried you down with Penguin and leaving you in the anaesthetic room was horrible. You were asleep and fine and I knew they would look after you. I also knew you wouldn't be gone for long, but it was still scary leaving you in there and walking out clutching Penguin.

25ish minutes later we were called into recovery. You were crying on the recovery nurse, but I cuddled you and fed you and you were fine. We were wheeled back to the ward and you spent half the journey smiling at the porter!!! After a nap (where we took some very cute photos of you!) you were back to your normal smiley self. You charmed all the nurses and munched your way through toast and lots of other things very soon. No lasting damage at all!

So the tongue poking out was confirmation that they had snipped it for you. Here's hoping you'll never be in hospital again my darling!

Just under a week later you showed your remarkable resilience again. Daddy had has his gall bladder removed a week before your op, and on his first day back at work after a fortnight off, he ended up in agony and took a trip to A&E. I got the call to say he'd been taken in just as I came to pick you and E up from Grandma and Grandpa's house. They kept hold of you two while I raced to the hospital to see him. He wasn't well, so we decided that you would have to sleep at Grandma and Grandpa's that night. I popped back and fed you quickly, but you were happy as ever.

That night you were very brave. First night away from us and you coped admirably. Though I believe you spent a lot of the night sleeping on Grandpa's chest in the lounge!! Good job he retired and didn't have to go to work the following day. I am very proud of you for being so brave. Nothing phases you does it?! (I was awake most of the night worrying about you!)

Well done little P.

You rock!

Love Mummy x