How time flies....

Dear girls,

Let me take you back to the 12th March 2010. I was 8 months pregnant with a lovely (wriggly!) bump and I was feeling pretty emotional about leaving school to start my maternity leave. I was randomly crying (and blaming hormones!) about things like the thought of giving birth again, how to cope with two children and whether I was ruining E's life by making her share everything with a younger sibling.

It feels like only last week. How have 10 months gone so fast?

As it turns out, birth was a pretty good experience, having two kids is amazing, and E, you just adore your little sister, who in turn looks up to you and melts my heart!

Tomorrow is the start of a new chapter. Four days a week of childcare for you and work for me! I feel very strange about it. As I blogged before, I'm sure you'll be ok. P hasn't been enjoying nursery that much, but I know how much you love Grandma so I'm sure you'll be ok. I'm not that keen on my job but I know I can do what I've been asked to do, so I'll be fine. Tonight I'm feeling slightly more worried as I had convinced myself P would be ok as E was at nursery too so could go and cuddle her if needed. Today E is ill - ears as usual! - and I don't think she'll be at nursery tomorrow. I'm sure P will be ok, but it's one more thing to worry about!!

Anyway, I best go pack the bags for tomorrow.....need to be more organised!!!

Love you, even when I'm not with you,

Mummy xxx

Time for changes

Dear girls,

Today I have been into work. You two had a lovely day with Grandma and you were both very very good. I'm so glad you're happy with her, she loves you so much! And Grandpa is retiring soon, so he gets to spend time with you too. You're going to have such a fabulous time! Two days with them, and two at nursery. E already loves nursery and has been going since she was 11 months. P, I hope you love it too.

Work was interesting. I mean, I kind of enjoyed it. But I missed you so much.

I know I'd be a rubbish stay at home mum with you both. I don't have the patience needed, or the ideas to keep you entertained. I do admire people who do it. Also, in reality, we need the money. So work it is. Doesn't mean I'm ready to send you to childcare. P seems so little to let someone else look after her. And I have mum guilt. For lots of reasons.

But I know it will work out. We are lucky to have grandparents to have you both for two days a week, and lucky to have a nursery we like and that E at least seems to enjoy. Lucky to have weekends as family time, and I'm lucky to have one day a week as a girls' day to do something nice! I hope I can keep it as a special day and appreciate it for what it is. I promise to try not to be grumpy, short tempered or busy doing jobs on that day....we'll see!

I know how excited you are E to have P going along to Grandma's and nursery with you. You keep telling me how you're going to go upstairs to the Baby Room at nursery to check she is ok, give her a cuddle and a kiss and then go back downstairs. I know how much you love your wee sister and how much you look after her at home and at Grandma's, so I know you'll look after her at nursery too. Thank you.

So I have two weeks left before I go back to work. I hope I can fill them with love, smiles and cuddles. I hope I can hold every moment in my heart to remember it when I'm back in school looking after other people's children.

Love you little girls,

Your soppy (slightly sad, guilty-feeling) Mummy x

Happy New Year!

Dear girls,

Well 2010 has been a lovely year. Started well with our gorgeous E, and the arrival of our beautiful little P in April really completed our little family.

I can't quite believe the pair of you are as old as you are (or indeed that it's New Year's Eve!). E is 3 years and almost 3 months, and P is 8 months old. Two gorgeous wee girls. Still very alike and still the absolute best of friends. E often tells us that P is her "best best ever friend".....long may it continue.

I don't make new year's resolutions as I would always break them, but I hope 2011 is a fabulous year for our family. I'm writing this sat at home with not even a sniff of alcohol as I have awful laryngitis and feel awful, so 2011 can only get better!

Love you loads girls....can't wait to write to you more in 2011,

Love always,

Mummy x

(Un)requited love?!

Dear E,

Recently we've been giggling about love. I tell you that I love you and you tell me I don't. I hope you know I do though. You also like to tell me, "I don't like your kisses!" in a very strong tone.....at which I cover your face in tiny kisses which makes you giggle a lot. At least right now you're always laughing/smiling when you wipe my kisses away....I hope that never changes.

Last night you girls had got ready for bed and you were tootling off with Daddy to brush your teeth and read stories. I was sat on my bed ready to feed P and put her down in her cot. I always ask Daddy to turn the light off, and one of you closes the door. So the door closed, and the light went off...then suddenly the door re-opened and your smiling face popped round and said (quite unprompted), "I love you right up to the moon and back!". You disappeared as fast as you had come, but it made me smile (and well up slightly!!).

Then another moment I should write about (just so you see that Daddy can be romantic occasionally)......Today in Tesco the lady on the checkout was commenting on our two beautiful girls, and I was saying you are both total Daddy's girls, and no-one loves me. Daddy said straight out, "I love you." Bless him!

Love you - and I always will, and you're not to forget that,

Mummy x

I should of known!

Dear E,

So it seems you are always right. I mean, I notice you're right a lot of the time, but actually I'm beginning to think that aged 3 you do know everything.

One thing I've always giggled about is your slight misunderstanding of the word Eureka. It's the name of a Children's museum in Halifax which we love. But whenever we talk about going to Eureka, you call it 'My Reka'. I guess it's logical (if you say it all out loud!), but it does make me giggle. You just won't have it any other way.

But then yesterday I took a trip there with P. I am sorry for not taking you, but you were in nursery and I knew you wouldn't really want to miss that....plus I am a bad mum! Well, with that admission out of the way, I shall continue.....P and I got the train from Todmorden to Halifax as Eureka is right next to the station. As we pulled into Halifax station, I looked over and on the window was this huge poster :

I think the other people on the train thought I was mad for laughing out loud, but it just shows....you are always right!

(With thanks to the lovely Kerry for the photo...if you look carefully you can see the reflection of me and baby P in the window!!)

Yours ignorantly,

Mummy x

Holidays and other whitterings

Dear beautiful girls,

We recently went on a fabulous holiday. We're not into massive crazy foreign travel, or long lazy beach holidays, but we do love getting away. The latest adventure was to Pembrokeshire in South Wales. We often holiday in North Wales which is lovely, but none of us had ever ventured further south.

Some lovely friends recommended Bluestone and we thought we'd take a chance on them....and how right they were! It was truly lovely. Gorgeous cottage in a gorgeous part of the world. You both loved it.

Free swimming was a bonus. P had never swum before, and E not since before you were one. Well both of you took to it like...well...like ducks to water! P was happy floating around and being bounced in the water, and E started nervously, but was soon swimming happily (with arm bands of course) on your own. Jumping in, and being dunked under the water soon followed, all met with whoops of joy and huge smiles. How fabulous!

We were lucky to share our time there with two lots of friends - each with similar aged children to you so E was very entertained. We copied the one set and signed up for an evening called 'Silent World' - a chance to meet snakes, spiders, and similar creatures. An interesting talk from a guy who obviously loved his beasties, and then a chance to handle some! Daddy enjoyed cuddling the constrictor, and we all giggled at a friend who screamed like a girl when his friendly snake gave him rather a close cuddle! I was cuddling P who was struggling a little with the evening drawing in and was less entertained than the rest of us, but having seen Daddy holding the snakes, E got interested. Our friend (the wife of the girly screamer!) was holding a small orange snake, and you slowly walked over to it and looked more closely. First invitations to touch it were declined, but later you decided that you were more interested. Eventually, you were holding the wee snake all on your own, and really interested by it! I have never known you be so up close with animals!! Well done brave girl!

Much fun was had on holiday and we all came home happy...but after a fun-filled week, I can't say we were relaxed. However, we have booked to go again! So next October we'll be back!

So what else is new since I last wrote? Well P, you have taken to solids like a pro! You're loving eating....anything and everything! You're much happier with a spoon than E was, and equally happy feeding yourself. Blowing raspberries into your yoghurt has been discovered as a fun past time already! And you'll even eat my cooking, which is more than E did at your age, so thanks!

Apart from that, loads of fun is had. P is growing up fast and just gorgeous. So chilled out and happy. E is growing up faster and is hilarious! You both make me smile so much, and I feel very very blessed.

Oh and I hope you'll always be as close as you are now. I am told repeatedly that P is E's best friend. Long may it continue my lovely girls.

Love always,
Mummy xxx

Weaning...

Dear P,

Today you are 25 weeks and 4 days old. So time for food, solid food. We kicked E out of her highchair (promoting her to a grown up chair, that is!), chopped up an old shower curtain to protect the floor, bought new bibs, cups and spoons and off we went! You sat happily in the high chair, and munched on some boiled carrot. Fab!

I think you enjoyed it. You certainly held your little chubby hand out for more. I also gave you a rice cake - that was tasty too I think. The idea of pureed apple on a spoon didn't go down so well. Your little face changed when you tasted that, but we'll keep trying.

The move to solids is a bittersweet one for me. I have exclusively breastfed you for 25 weeks and 3 days. That's a long time. Ok so part of me would like my body back, but mostly I have loved it. You took to it straight away, and have never had any problem feeding. I know you're getting enough as you're a big baby - 18lb 8oz at the last weigh in. You've been mostly tracking above the 91st centile in the official red book, which means that less than 9% of babies your age are bigger than you!

I love breastfeeding.

I've been very lucky and had two little girls who have known what to do and have just got on with it. I've met lots of people who have struggled, and been badly let down and misinformed. I've trained as a breast feeding peer supporter (partly with you in utero and partly with you around!) and would love to help just one person to carry on breastfeeding. Equally, I support anyone who chooses to bottle feed. I'd support anyone in their choices....as long as they are informed. It's personal choice, and I could witter about the benefits of breastmilk (for they are many and proven), but I just wish people were better educated. Anyway, mustn't rant.......

So, I fed your big sister till she was 2 years old, and who knows how long I'll continue with you. I'm certainly not ready to stop yet. But food has to come into your diet sometime, and today was that day.

So I'm guessing you'll start to feed from me less. That may not be good. I think the only way I can get away with the amount of cake I eat is because I give my extra calories to you. Feeding an 18lb baby was certainly a good excuse in my head! But I'm kinda addicted to cake (I may have blogged about this before...) and I'm not sure how to give it up!

Anyway, I bet you'll enjoy cake! And chocolate.....not that I'll share mine! Be warned - Mummy doesn't share cake! But for now, it's all new for you...I wonder what new tastes tomorrow will bring....

Love,
Your cake-obsessed Mummy x