New adventures!

Dear Girls,

Sorry I haven't blogged for a while...I've been a bit busy. New and exciting things are afoot. Tomorrow we pick up the keys for our new house! Yes, we're moving.

We've had our house on the market for the last four years, since E was a tiny baby. No-one was interested, until some friends wanted to buy it to rent out. So now we're hours away from owning a new house....complete with a garden and a garage which were the two things E asked for.

It took you a little while to come round to the idea Esther. I guess when you're 4, the concept of 'moving house' is a little abstract. Still, I think you understand it now. You're certainly very excited about it.  We are as well. It is exciting, although a little daunting.

Daddy and I both feel like it's far too grown up a house for us! Madness eh?! I hope it's going to be a lovely family home.  It does feel odd to be leaving here too. Daddy has never lived outside the Valley in his living memory (he moved here when he was only 2), so he's understandably nervous. I just keep thinking about leaving this little house. It is a lovely house and a fabulous home. So much has happened here. Daddy and I bought it just before we got married, and it was the house we came home to the day after our wedding. We lived here, started careers here, conceived both of you here (sorry girls, was that too much information?!), and brought you both home here as tiny babies.

Tomorrow is the beginning of a new adventure for our wee family.  Let's go girls, let's go enjoy that garden and lovely house!

Looking forward to lots of new experiences with you two.
Love,
Mummy x

Giggles and growing

Dear P,

I blogged about your sisters birthday recently, but it seems you're the one who is growing up quickly! Every day I seem to see something about you that is that little bit more grown up. I'm not sure where my tiny baby went!

You've moved out of the Baby Room at Nursery - now you're a Tweenie and loving it! You're loving playing outside on their fabulous outdoor area and climbing in the tunnel. You're also travelling in more grown up style, as we've finally moved you out of your baby car seat, into a forward facing set, just like E's. You think it's hilarious and E loves to hold your hand, or the two of you play passing things between you and giggling like a pair of loons.

Giggling is something you do a lot of! If you're not giggling when being tickled, you're up to mischief with your sister and giggling away in a corner of the house. Lots of things make you laugh.A few nights ago you were having your bedtime feed, when you looked at my left breast and giggled, then chortled, then laughed hilariously! I have no idea what was so funny, but it took you ages to feed, and when you did it was with a real smile in your eyes.

You know your own mind, and now you're saying yes and no and we certainly know what you are after! You always make yourself understood and every day new words are appearing. I didn't know you knew the word 'bowl' until you demanded one for your fruit flakes a few weeks ago! An amusing word to know and always well used!

And then there are new words......on Saturday evening we had been watching Strictly Come Dancing (for which you had picked up a cushion, and sat on the floor to watch!) and we were crawling round the floor laughing together, when you picked up a toy. It's a small stuffed rabbit-like creature - Little Nutbrown Hare from the story 'Guess How Much I Love You' (which I have blogged about previously as one of E's favourites). After you had cuddled the animal for a while, it was time for bed so I asked if you were bring Nutbrown Hare. You looked at me in a slightly confused way, and put the hare on your head! You did wonder why I was now the one laughing hilariously!

Keep laughing little one, and I'm certain you'll keep us laughing.
Yours, with giggles and love,
Mummy x

Happy Birthday Esther Bear!

Four.

That's a big number.  Well, it certainly feels like a big number to me! Four years ago you were born, a tiny screaming little Bear. I'd say I remember it well. but I was under general anaesthetic when you appeared in the world.

Four years on, and it seems like only yesterday! This weekend was your birthday. You asked for a party just like last year, so we hired the church centre and a bouncy castle, and invited all the people on your list! I always do as you tell me.

The requested present was a bike.....preferably with space for Milly to ride too. Happily a gorgeous bike was wrapped nicely for you for Sunday morning, and Milly enjoyed her ride along the pavement as you learned slowly to push the pedals forwards every time! Other favourites included a microphone, which has been sung into an awful lot, and a pram....a big girls' pram(!)....for Milly. She has been a very lucky doll!

So now you're four. Time to be more grown up than ever. Now you're planning Christmas, and also talking a lot about school next year. We were chatting the other day about school, and you asked whether we would still have a girls' day....it broke my heart a little to tell you that you would have to go to school every weekday, so you wouldn't be having a girls' day. I didn't dare to tell you that P would still have a Mummy day! Maybe we'll cross that bridge another day eh?!

Well, four is the new three. I'm hoping that this year for you will bring a new house, a garden to play in, a new school, new friends and who knows what else?! As long as it's the four of us together, it'll be fabulous!

Loving you always,
Mummy x

Letters and Sounds

Dear E,

I have posted before (multiple times!) about your love of books. You have always loved stories and we always read at bedtime. One long time favourite are the Apple Tree Farm stories. I don't think you've realised there is a duck hiding in every picture waiting for you to find it, but the stories are often read. You have to "read" the first page - This is Apple Tree Farm. This is Mrs Boot the farmer. She has two children called Poppy and Sam and a dog called Rusty.

You say it with such pride. I can imagine you in your first school assembly, or nativity play, reciting the lines you have practised again and again. It's lovely to see your face as you think you can read it.

I would love to teach you to read. I'd love to unlock that love for words....and books. The thrill of being able to decode the squiggles on the page is immense. I've been putting it off as I don't want you to be labelled at school as a teacher's daughter, and for your teachers to think I'm a pushy mum. I'm not.....yet! Although your obsession with sounds and letters is growing. Tonight driving home you were talking about 'needing' a trumpet (which made me laugh anyway!), but then you sounded it out; "t...r...u...p...i....t". I was so impressed. Maybe we'll start a bit of letter/sound recognition soon eh?!

You're also still hilarious. You adore Sarah, a nursery nurse at Little Acorns. She is apparently your best ever friend, equal only to Phoebe in your love! She teaches you all kinds of little phrases - the latest was "I'm worth it"....a lot like the L'Oreal advert. Sounds very cute coming from your little mouth!

The love for Phoebe knows no bounds though. You would do anything for her, give anything to her and share everything with her. Walking out of nursery tonight, you were talking about a cake you had made and decorated today, while carrying it out to the car. You told Phoebe (completely unprompted) that you would share it with her when we got home....and you did. So so kind.

You're a star, and I love you,

Mummy xxx

It's been a while...

Dear girls,

Sorry I haven't written for a while. I'm not sure why, you have done plenty of fabulous things, but I haven't had the words to write. Today I'm trying to repair that.

You've both grown up a lot since I last wrote. E you have grown physically. You used to be quite small for your age, but now (at nearly 4.....where did the time go?!!) you've suddenly shot up in height. You're blonde and leggy! Definitely beautiful, and very cheeky! You still think you're in charge and your favourite word is still 'Why?' but your grin and sparkly blue eyes make me smile constantly.

You have a new favourite film - the Wizard of Oz. I had to buy you a Dorothy costume, shortly followed by Dorothy shoes(!) and we have watched the film so many times! And you have learned lots of new nursery rhymes - mainly read to you by Grandpa and now being read back to him. Talking of reading, you're obsessed by initial sounds. We spend a lot of our car journeys with you working out what sounds different words start with. You love to 'read' books you know well. Especially the first page of the Apple Tree Farm books!!! We love Mrs Boot, Poppy and Sam.

P, you have made massive progress recently...finally learning to walk unaided! You have been pootling around holding our hands for months, but last Sunday you finally let go of the furniture decisively and walked across the room. We all clapped, and you proceeded to do it again and again! On Wednesday, I bought you your first shoes! I'm glad that you love them, and you regularly ask me in your own special way to put them on for you.

You're a bookworm like your sister. You spend half your days bringing me the little books for me to read to you. You are very good at tidying up though. If I offer you a box or bag, you'll put everything away it in very carefully!

Girls, you are both so fabulous. You make me smile every day. I love you.

Mummy x

Taking care

Dear E,

You are very very caring, especially to your little sister, and it's lovely to see. You two love cuddles, and P gets very excited when you hug her.

Today you were most concerned about your favourite nursery nurse. You go to nursery 2 days each week, but next week is my half term, and we're off camping. So you'll miss two days and you were evidently concerned about how Sarah would cope without you. You had apparently asked Irham (another nursery nurse) whether she was in next week. When she confirmed she was, you asked her if she could please look after Sarah as you weren't going to be there!!! I love it! (Not sure how you think she copes on the days you're not in, but hey!)

You have also picked up another very cute habit. My parents (your Grandma and Grandpa) always say 'Take care' when we part, and you have picked this up. Thus every time I leave you with them and drive off to work, I am followed by your shouts of 'TAKE CARE!' at top volume!

Hope you're taking care, little bear,

Mummy x

Apologies, similarities, guilt and bedtime stories!

Dear E,

Tonight you went to bed without a bedtime story. I think it's only the second time ever. You had hit Daddy and then refused to apologise. My short temper kicked in and I took away the only thing left in the day....the stories. You're a clever girl, you knew what you had done wrong, you knew what you had lost and why you had lost it, and you even had the good grace not to strop about it.

I feel so guilty though. I had to assuage that by offering to read you the books in the morning. You went to sleep without a sound....tomorrow, we'll be reading those stories!

The trouble is, little bear, you and I are too similar! I find myself arguing with you and have to remind myself that you are only three!! We are both quick to anger, and too fast to react to things. Oh and both convinced we are right.....all...the...time! (I am right, of course....I'm your Mum!)

I am certainly not looking forward to your teenage years. I think maybe I'll have to move out while you're a teenager!

Talking of my guilt at taking away your bedtime story tonight, this Mummy malarky is quite tricky. It comes with built in guilt. Permanent guilt. Guilt about anything and everything and it's very very strange. The guilt thing was something I thought I wouldn't suffer from. I'm quite a confident person really, and happy in my decisions. I certainly feel like, alongside Daddy, we have made the right decisions for you two.

But then people make comments. Usually not aimed at me, but still make me think. Make me wonder whether I do do the right things, feed you the right things, let you do the right things, etc, etc. It's very easy to let the paranoia pop in.

I also try very hard to praise you two all the time. But then there is a balance. I try to align myself with things I have read about general praise being harmful, and thus praise you for specific things. I also try to remember to praise you for who you are as well as what you do. Then I just try to throw compliments at you, and hope they are the things that penetrate into your subconscious.

The balance is difficult. I just hope you and P grow up knowing that we always tried to do the best for you.

Looking forward to reading those stories with you in the morning,

Love you always,

Mummy x

Celebrations!

Dear P,

Happy Birthday Gorgeous Little One!

Today is your first birthday. I cannot work out where the last year has gone. A year. 52 weeks. 365 days. Wow. It truly blows my mind.

You're still as gorgeous as ever, and very very smiley. Everyone comments on your smile....maybe because it's permanent! Lots of old ladies like to chat to you, and tell us how gorgeous you are.

This morning started with E coming in to wish you a happy birthday. She sang to you as soon as she saw you, for which you beamed! Then she gave you her present - a wee Miffy. You cuddled it straight away which thrilled E. She adores you, and you adore her. Sisterly love, completely! I thought things might change, but we've had a year of adoration with never a cross word....long may it continue!

Today we had a family day - the bonus of a Mummy who doesn't work Wednesdays, and a Daddy who can get days off occasionally! We were hoping to go to Blackpool Zoo as you seem to love animals, but it was very cold and slightly rainy, so we decided against it. Instead, a trip to the Sea Zoo was much enjoyed. You especially liked the tunnels where the fish and sharks swam above us...your little face was a picture.

Lunch in Debenhams, a touch of shopping and a play on the slot machines (well, not for you...you just watched and ultimately fell asleep!) completed our time in Blackpool. Very similar to your big sister's last birthday!! But we all enjoyed it, and we finished it off with a trip to a Carvery pub where you munched your way happily through yorkshire pudding and plenty of meat!!

Party is Saturday with the family with a rabbit-shaped cake (in theory!) made by Mummy and E! Hope you like it, wee one!

So a year on, it feels like you've always been here. The four day labour was worth every minute. Your sister adores you and wouldn't be without you (and never mentioned that she was convinced you were a boy, and would be called Five!). I can't wait to see what the next year holds. Hopefully walking on your own, talking, and much much more!

Love you always, my little one year old,

Mummy xxx

Resilience and smiles

Dear P,

On Saturday you stuck your tongue out at me. Some may say it was cheeky, but it really made me smile! It was the first time you had ever done it. As I've blogged previously, you were born with a tongue tie and we decided to get it snipped.

You were 11 months old so it was a procedure done under general anaesthetic. You weren't allowed any milk after 5am, so typically you slept through, and I had to wake you at 4.30am to give you some milk. You looked at me like I was mad! But then I couldn't get you back to sleep so we were up early! We were in Preston Hospital at 7.30am, and you smiled at people for a while. By 9am you were hungry and not impressed that we were withholding breakfast.

You went down to surgery just after 10am. I carried you down with Penguin and leaving you in the anaesthetic room was horrible. You were asleep and fine and I knew they would look after you. I also knew you wouldn't be gone for long, but it was still scary leaving you in there and walking out clutching Penguin.

25ish minutes later we were called into recovery. You were crying on the recovery nurse, but I cuddled you and fed you and you were fine. We were wheeled back to the ward and you spent half the journey smiling at the porter!!! After a nap (where we took some very cute photos of you!) you were back to your normal smiley self. You charmed all the nurses and munched your way through toast and lots of other things very soon. No lasting damage at all!

So the tongue poking out was confirmation that they had snipped it for you. Here's hoping you'll never be in hospital again my darling!

Just under a week later you showed your remarkable resilience again. Daddy had has his gall bladder removed a week before your op, and on his first day back at work after a fortnight off, he ended up in agony and took a trip to A&E. I got the call to say he'd been taken in just as I came to pick you and E up from Grandma and Grandpa's house. They kept hold of you two while I raced to the hospital to see him. He wasn't well, so we decided that you would have to sleep at Grandma and Grandpa's that night. I popped back and fed you quickly, but you were happy as ever.

That night you were very brave. First night away from us and you coped admirably. Though I believe you spent a lot of the night sleeping on Grandpa's chest in the lounge!! Good job he retired and didn't have to go to work the following day. I am very proud of you for being so brave. Nothing phases you does it?! (I was awake most of the night worrying about you!)

Well done little P.

You rock!

Love Mummy x

Smiles, crawling and hospitals!

Dear P,

I was thinking recently that you get less letters on here than your sister....I guess she does more than you at the moment. But that doesn't stop you being gorgeous.

You've settled well at nursery and you're coping well with my return to work. You seem to be growing every day and you're much bigger than E was at your age. You're also still looking much like she did which is a source of amusement as we look at baby photos trying to work out which of you it is. There are definite differences though. Grandpa commented the other day about your smile. It lights up the room! E had a gorgeous smile, and it really was very similar to yours, but her eyes were a more intense blue than yours so you noticed them first, where with you it is definitely your smile that lights up your face. Gorgeous, truly gorgeous.

You've also started to cuddle right into us, which is just lovely. You've always been a cuddly baby, but now you initiate cuddles, and snuggle with up close. You also blow kisses, and yesterday you were leaning in to kiss my face. Too cute for words!

You now have two bottom teeth, which were painful for you for a while (and now are only painful for me when you trick me into putting my finger into your and then chomping down hard!). You're not bothering to move much though. You sit very solidly and love sitting playing with a box of toys. You now try to move one leg under you so you look as though you are about to crawl off, but you haven't mastered that yet. If we put you on your hands and knees, you look at us like we're mad and then cry! You love being up on your feet, but don't seem to appreciate that you need a little balance, so you have to hold on tight to our hands. You'll get there in your own time, and for now I'm enjoying being able to put you down and come back to you still in the same place. After all, why move when you have a devoted big sister who will bring you anything you want!

The next couple of weeks are due to be a little hospital related! Daddy has gall stones and is havig his gall bladder removed on Thursday. We'll go and stay at Grandma and Grandpa's but apart from that life should be too different for you. Here's hoping all goes well for him. And then a week after that it's your turn, baby girl. You have a tongue tie, which I noticed as soon as you were born, but division is rarely done in small babies unless it affects feeding. You never suffered from this problem, but it concerns me that it may affect your speech, so we're having it divided. Only a tiny operation, but it does need a general anaesthetic. I'm sorry for putting you through it, but it is with your best interests at heart. So I'll be with you and hopefully Daddy too if he's recovered from his op. Here's just hoping E doesn't decide to compete and need a hospital too!

Big smiley snuggles,

Mummy x

Dear E,

“You can kid the world. But not your sister”

Charlotte Gray

Sisters, and best friends. That's you and P. You regularly tell us she is your "best best ever friend", and long may it continue. Thank you for loving her, and thank you for looking after her at Grandma's and nursery. She is settling into nursery and you're loving having her there. I thought it was lovely that you always ask if you can go upstairs to the baby room to see her at nursery...until the staff told me that you like to go up, say hello to P, and then play with the babies' toys and not speak to your sister again! I guess it's a bit like at home, where you prefer her toys to your own!

You're hilarious to talk to these days, and you do keep me entertained.Things like sitting on the edge of the frame of Polly (the rocking horse!) and holding your baby monitor.....stroking it and calling it your guinea pig! It's called Phoebe apparently!

You're also obsessed by your 'baby'. She was a first birthday gift - the only non-scary-looking doll I could find not dressed in pink! She has recently been given a name, Milly....so at least we know now! But her Daddy apparently lives in the attic, and her sister is called Coda (the same as Aunty Sharon's dog!). I had to clarify to nursery that there was no other baby, and I hope they realised that Daddy isn't left in the attic all the time! Oh and Milly's Daddy is called Matt....obviously!

Last week we had sadness in the family. Your great grandad passed away. Very sad times. I didn't want to take you to the funeral so you didn't see the sadness, but we did talk about him, and about what had happened. You took it well, and seem to understand that he is in Heaven. I love the mental image you give us about him playing with Chewy the cat. However, on the day of the funeral, we had a lovely conversation :

E: Where are your Ma and Pa?

M: In Heaven

E: With Chewy?

M:Yes.

E: And with Great Grandad Lack?

M: Yes my love.

E: So they are with God in Heaven?

M: Yes

E: Is God ill?

M: No darling, God made the world!

E: (disbelieving) No he didn't *giggle*

M: No really, he did

E: But not the sun

M: Yes darling, he made the sun as well., God made everything

E: (giggles) But he didn't pop the sun out

M: He did honestly (trying to think of a new way to explain the creation story!)

E: But he didn't pop the sun out today Mummy...[E points at the window]...it's raining!

Keep on thinking my darling, and keep on making us giggle,

Love always,

Mummy x

How time flies....

Dear girls,

Let me take you back to the 12th March 2010. I was 8 months pregnant with a lovely (wriggly!) bump and I was feeling pretty emotional about leaving school to start my maternity leave. I was randomly crying (and blaming hormones!) about things like the thought of giving birth again, how to cope with two children and whether I was ruining E's life by making her share everything with a younger sibling.

It feels like only last week. How have 10 months gone so fast?

As it turns out, birth was a pretty good experience, having two kids is amazing, and E, you just adore your little sister, who in turn looks up to you and melts my heart!

Tomorrow is the start of a new chapter. Four days a week of childcare for you and work for me! I feel very strange about it. As I blogged before, I'm sure you'll be ok. P hasn't been enjoying nursery that much, but I know how much you love Grandma so I'm sure you'll be ok. I'm not that keen on my job but I know I can do what I've been asked to do, so I'll be fine. Tonight I'm feeling slightly more worried as I had convinced myself P would be ok as E was at nursery too so could go and cuddle her if needed. Today E is ill - ears as usual! - and I don't think she'll be at nursery tomorrow. I'm sure P will be ok, but it's one more thing to worry about!!

Anyway, I best go pack the bags for tomorrow.....need to be more organised!!!

Love you, even when I'm not with you,

Mummy xxx

Time for changes

Dear girls,

Today I have been into work. You two had a lovely day with Grandma and you were both very very good. I'm so glad you're happy with her, she loves you so much! And Grandpa is retiring soon, so he gets to spend time with you too. You're going to have such a fabulous time! Two days with them, and two at nursery. E already loves nursery and has been going since she was 11 months. P, I hope you love it too.

Work was interesting. I mean, I kind of enjoyed it. But I missed you so much.

I know I'd be a rubbish stay at home mum with you both. I don't have the patience needed, or the ideas to keep you entertained. I do admire people who do it. Also, in reality, we need the money. So work it is. Doesn't mean I'm ready to send you to childcare. P seems so little to let someone else look after her. And I have mum guilt. For lots of reasons.

But I know it will work out. We are lucky to have grandparents to have you both for two days a week, and lucky to have a nursery we like and that E at least seems to enjoy. Lucky to have weekends as family time, and I'm lucky to have one day a week as a girls' day to do something nice! I hope I can keep it as a special day and appreciate it for what it is. I promise to try not to be grumpy, short tempered or busy doing jobs on that day....we'll see!

I know how excited you are E to have P going along to Grandma's and nursery with you. You keep telling me how you're going to go upstairs to the Baby Room at nursery to check she is ok, give her a cuddle and a kiss and then go back downstairs. I know how much you love your wee sister and how much you look after her at home and at Grandma's, so I know you'll look after her at nursery too. Thank you.

So I have two weeks left before I go back to work. I hope I can fill them with love, smiles and cuddles. I hope I can hold every moment in my heart to remember it when I'm back in school looking after other people's children.

Love you little girls,

Your soppy (slightly sad, guilty-feeling) Mummy x